Happiness
by Syaoran No Ichiban Aikousha
Summary: My first Tomoyo x Sakura fic... I didn't know how to rate this, it being Yuri and all. ^__^;


Title: Happiness  
Style: One Shot  
Author: Syaoran No Ichiban Aikousha  
Author's Note: Hi! This is my first Sakura & Tomoyo fanfic. I actually wrote this for a friend whose a fan of yuri/yaoi stuff. She liked it so I'm posting it up! This is a one shot so it's kind of short. And please understand that I am a BIG fan of S&S, but I enjoy writing almost any kind of story. ^__^ If you have a request for any kind of CCS couple fanfic, e-mail me and I'll try to write something if I have time! :D Anyway, enjoy!  
Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine. CCS is not mine. Belongs to CLAMP, Kodansha.... you get the idea, ne? e.e  
  
' ' - Thoughts (All Tomoyo's)  
[ ] - Change of scene  
-----------------------------------------------  
  
'Happiness. What exactly is happiness? Is it being with the one you know you truly love? Rather than letting them go off with someone you, deep in your heart, know they'll be happier with? Why... why is this feeling... this aching, twisting, stabbing feeling, inside of me? Why do I deny it? And, more importantly, why do I hide it under this mask of carefree cheerfulness? So many questions in my mind... probably never to receive an answer. To be neglected by me. All because I am afraid. Afraid to accept. Afraid to believe.'  
  
"Ohayo, Tomoyo-chan!" A girl's voice chirped.  
  
Ebony lashes fluttering open, she looked to the direction in which the voice came from. Quickly putting on that innocent smile to hide her thoughts, she lifted her head from the palm of her hand as she watched Sakura seat herself at her desk.  
  
"Ohayo gozaimasu, Sakura-chan." Tomoyo replied, sweetly. 'If only you knew...'  
'Oi! Syaoran-kun!" Sakura smiled happily, looking to the direction of the front door as a boy stepped in.  
  
'Look how happy she is when he appears. If only she could see how her eyes light up, shimmering with excitedness and how her lips curve ever so nicely into a smile, a smile that shines like the brightest star in the galaxy. If only you could see yourself the way I do...'  
  
"O-Ohayo..." Syaoran muttered, cheeks being painted a bright crimson as he sat down at his chair.  
  
'There's just nothing I can do.... nothing except to watch. Except to understand. Things only happen the way I hoped for in my dreams. And even then, I know I must awaken and face reality. No matter how painful. No matter how heartbreaking.'  
  
''Anou... Syaoran-kun, Yukito-san told me about a new bakery that serves delicious food... do you want to come with me today and go see what it's like?" Sakura asked, beaming at the blushing Syaoran, those emerald gems hidden as her eyes arched.  
"A...aa." Syaoran replied, stuttering out what he could, hoping Sakura didn't notice the redness in his face.  
"Yokatta. Tomoyo-chan, do you want to come, too?" Sakura question, turning to her best friend.  
"Me?... N-no thank you, Sakura-chan..." Tomoyo said softly, looking to the ground, depression spreading across her cerulean eyes.  
"To-Tomoyo-chan.... what's wrong?" Sakura asked, a worried tone appearing in her once content voice. "Are you feeling well?"  
  
'I.... I don't want to worry her... but... but...'  
  
"Iie. I'm fine. I just have something to do at home today. Gomen nasai, Sakura-chan." Tomoyo said, giving a faint smile.  
  
'Why do I lie to her? Why do I lie to myself?'  
  
"It's okay. Some other time, Tomoyo-chan?" Sakura asked hopefully. Tomoyo simply nodded and looked away, guilt arising in her heart. As the school bell rang, the teacher walked into the room and began the lesson.  
  
[After School....]  
  
Tomoyo slowly walked out of Tomoeda Shougakkou's doors and made her way through the chattering students. She usually is driven home, but she had told her mother to let her walk today. As she got to the sidewalk which led to her home, she peered behind her only to see Sakura and Syaoran walking the other way, not even noticing her for they were talking amongst themselves. Slamming her eyes close, she felt a cold teardrop form at the end of her eye. She quickly wiped it off with the sleeve of her shirt and turned her back to the school and walked off, her mind drifting off into endless thoughts.  
  
'Why do I feel like this? What's the explaination I'm searching for, but not finding. What is this? This... pain. This neverending pain that haunts me day and night. I've always ignored it before, throwing it to the side thinking that it's nothing and if it was, I'd fix it later. Well, now it's too late. I can't fix it. I can't because I don't understand it. Why does this hurt? It's not a physical pain. It's emotional. My heart feels as if it had been pierced thousands of times. As if someone had taken advantage of it. But, it hasn't. That's what I do not understand. The hurt is coming from somewhere inside of me. What's causing it is beyond my knowledge. Though, it mostly occurs when I see Sakura. But, why would that happen? Sakura's my best friend... isn't she? Do I think of her as more than that? No.. no, I probably don't. Although, how does that explain the raising of this feeling when Syaoran is with her? Does that mean... I love her? But, we've been friends since the beginning of fourth grade. And now it's sixth grade. Syaoran and Sakura belong together. Have I felt this way in the past before? I do recall nights where I couldn't sleep because I was thinking of her and Syaoran. But those thoughts are just a blur now... I always say I'm happy if she is. Yet, I don't feel that way. And I can't possibly tell her. It'd interfere with her feelings for Syaoran. And that's the last thing I'd want to do. To ruin her happiness. So does that mean I have to keep rejecting these feelings? These feeling which taunt me at night. So much as to the point where I can't even close my eyes for a second without tears falling from them? Perhaps I'll have to.... for Sakura's sake.'  
  
Reaching the door to her house, mansion rather, she entered the gates and stepped up to the doors, letting herself in. Peering down at her watch, she sighed, noticing how long it took her to get home.  
  
'An hour. Maybe I walked too slow....'  
  
Removing her jacket and hat, she went into her room and sat on her bed. She peered out the window at the evening sky. The bright orange sun was setting and the horizon was a beautiful mixture of orange, yellow, red, and purple. Darkness was setting in as she gave a sigh, her faint blue eyes becoming glassy as her mind wandered once again.   
  
'I can't help but wonder what she's doing now...what she's thinking. Love... why must it be so complicated? Why can't it just leave me be!? Why must it cause so much heartache...? So much pain.... '   
  
At that point, tears began spilling out from Tomoyo's eyes, no matter how much she didn't want them to. Falling into a puddle on her lap, she shook her head, trying to ignore it.  
  
'What have I done to deserve this? I just care and love Sakura. Is that so wrong!? Why am I being punished for that?! Is this to frighten me from loving others? Although, I can't think of anyone I feel more strongly for than Sakura. I hide what I can and ignore the rest. I know she feels differently about me. I'm just her best friend. Always will be. Nothing more. Am I forced to have to live in secret for the rest of my life? Am I forced to have to keep these emotions bottled up until they cause me so much pain that I can't take it any longer? If that is true... and if that'll keep Sakura in her sweet and content state... then I am willing to do it. All for her. No one else. I'd do anything for Sakura, as she would for me... I'd sacrifice my life to save her from any danger...to keep her distant from any harm. I don't ask for much. I understand Sakura's love for Syaoran. That's why I say nothing. That's why I barely share my thoughts with anyone. I keep everything I think about... isolated. Never to come forth. Never to show.'  
  
''Ojou-san! Dinner's ready.'' A lady walked into Tomoyo's room carrying a tray of food and some tea. She placed it upon the table and bowed towards Tomoyo.  
''Ari...arigato gozaimasu!" Tomoyo said, turning her back to the lady who worked at her home, not wanting her to notice that she was crying. As soon as the woman left the room, closing the door behind her, Tomoyo looked up and at her dinner. She wasn't hungry. All she wanted to do was to go to sleep. And possibly stay in bed forever. Peering over at the clock which hung neatly upon the wall, she realized it was quite late so she decided, although it was rude, to leave the food alone and go to bed a bit early. She stood up and went got changed into her nightgown, then headed into the bathroom. She grabbed a nearby brush and began stroking it down her long ebony hair, hinted with just a bit of silver. As soon as she had brushed her teeth and such, she slowly walked to her bed and sat in it, looking back towards the large window. Flicking off the light switch, she watched as the moonlight shone into her room, bouncing off the walls. The stars were plentiful tonight and the chilly night air was amidst. She continued to stare at the radiant sight, sadness present on her face as she continued her thoughts.  
  
'I refuse. I refuse to let my unhappiness get in the way of anyone else's... especially Sakura's. She's happy. Happy with Syaoran. And because she's happy, I should be as well. So... why am I not? What is preventing me from true happiness? Is it because I'm too afraid to share my feelings with her? Or is it because I'm jealous? Why would I be jealous? Probably because I see Sakura with Syaoran. But, he makes her happy. Happier than I ever could. Happier than I ever will. I suppose this love will be forever hidden.. deep within me. Never to be shown to anyone else. My heart feels a twisting pain because of it, but I won't let it interfere with anything. If I'm to suffer for the rest of my life, so be it. Just as long as Sakura's not hurt. As long as she's not feeling any pain. As long as she's happy... '  
  
  
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I know, I know. Sad ending... ;-; Gomen ne. It was shorter than you expected, ne? e.e; Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! How about some reviews? n.n; Well, mata ne!  
  
-Tomoyo Daidouji- 


End file.
